F*cking food service

I’m a scholarship kid at a decent priced uni so whenever classmates come in to my work we just kinda stand there and stare at each other. 

Then one of them mumbles it’s their birthday and I tell them it better not be their fucking birthday

I got food from the restaurant next to my work and ate it in the dinning room’s employee on our plates. 

A co-worker walks up to me and goes

“Wait, did you get that here?”

so i went

“What no.. This is people food.”

While seating a door a little old lady refused literally 5 seats before settling into the biggest window booth we have. This is pretty normal so I just smile and nod along with her. 

Finally she accepts a seat and is like “Why didn’t i get offered this in the first place, do you have some sort of seating arrangement?”

Because you are a lonely old bitty and this table is huge, plus this server just got sat and you are now forcing us to double seat her. She is lovely but a blundering idiot and getting double sat will probably make her cry. I also have no idea of fucking knowing this is your booth, you didn’t ask for a window at the door or anything you just got grumpy and shoot your head no and made us pace you through the restaurant before pointing out literally the only dirty empty table in the joint. 

But i obviously cannot say any of that because old bittys like to complain to management types. So i just answer her second question. with

“Yeah we have a seating chart and rotation so servers get even amounts of tables and guests get better service. so we offer you tables in the best order, who’s gone the longest without getting sat to who was sat most recently”

and she goes 

“Well that’s fucking stupid. I need to sit where I’m comfortable. Guests should just seat themselves”

“I agree with you, it’s really no problem to accommodate you. But your server will be with you as soon as she can, she had a table right before yours so it may take a minute”

and then she starts screaming and asks to speak to a manager.

I actually had to end up taking here because there were just the two servers on and my manager didn’t want to make the angry old coot wait.

So she sent back literally every part of her meal.

My tuna is too wet.

Then she gets new tuna.

My fries are too crispy.

Then she gets new fries.

My Cole-slaw tastes funny.

Then she gets new cole-slaw.

My tonic is flat. 

Then she gets new tonic.

MY ICE CREAM IS TOO COLD.

WELL FUCK YOU. NOW THIS IS YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEM. THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

I AM NOT COMPING YOUR ICE CREAM. YOU FUCKING KNEW ICE CREAM WAS COLD. YOU HAVE HAD 100 YEARS OR SO TO REALIZE THIS. 

So I just wanted to point out again how amazing my co-workers are and how great the friends I have at work are. I love having co-workers i can go out to drink with or just straight up chat with.

A guest has complained about me and claims I say rude and unspeakable things about guests when I talk to other servers off the floor or off the clock. As you can tell by my blog that is totally untrue and impossible. 

But my manager said he needed to speak with me today and then never got the chance to, I mean it was totally a shame that I magically got triple sat the moment i walked i and then literally flew out of there when i was done (I mean it’s not like i had to bribe the greeter to seat me more or another server to do my side work) I have the next three days off so I’m kinda hoping they’ll forget and I won’t even get a write up.

according to my manager a guest complained my apron was dirty.

I highly doubt a guest called over my manager to be like “Yo my server’s apron is dirtty as shit. It’s like he’s been fucking working all night or something”

while interviewing at olive garden.

“Your last name is italian right? So working here would be sticking to your roots?”

“My whole family has worked food service, I was born in a restaurant  My parents met working in a restaurant. All of my siblings worked food service most of their life. Working at olive garden would be sticking true to those roots, but it would shame my Italian heritage. If i get the job I’ll probably lie to my nonna and say i work at a hooters.”

I now get to walk up to people after ringing in their order and go “Before i send this I wanted to let you know that burger you built is going to cost you 35 bucks. That alright?”

Because i want to see the look of shame on their fat faces. 

how to ring in food.

A lot of my co-workers are either functionally retarded or incosniderate, so here is the proper way to ring in your chow. like for you to eat.

1. Do not ring in food while there are more than 3 slips up, unless you’re literally about to faint.

2. Actually fucking thank your grill cooks when it’s up.

3. If there is someone new on try to avoid frankinstineing food.

4. DO NOT RING IN FOOD AFTER FUCKING CLOSE. 

MANAGEMENT I’m looking at you ringing yourself food at 11:04 pm. after the grill cook at started closing shit. 

5. Shut the fuck up and eat what you get.

Like if your fries are crispier than you want them or your burger is over cooked or something reasonable just eat it. Seriously how often do you wish guests would just shut the hell up and eat their food when it’s not horribly wrong.